Posted by: Upāsaka | 09/27/2018

Disenchantment

My marital problems have continued apace: this morning she texted me after I left telling me not to bother telling her to have a good day when I clearly don’t care about her. And, although it is untrue that I am apathetic to her welfare, I have to admit that my parting farewell to her was awkward and forced. I have been trying to treat her with the same consideration I give to everyone else so I made sure to save and prepare her a to go cup of coffee and not to forget to say goodbye to her as I left. Obviously it wasn’t received well.

Regardless, I am proud (if that’s the right word for it) of myself and will continue to work on treating her as well as I do my kids even if she tells me she’s still young and wants to find someone to love her and to love. My sentiments about that are simple: have at it. If you can’t forego base impulses and sense pleasures for the good of our children then so be it. I, for one, have no intention of ever entangling myself again in the mess of another romance again in this life (and I aspire to never do so again until Liberation).

All of which is to say that every time a relationship issue like this tears its ugly head, the desires and craving for sexual pleasures are immediately checked. You see the problem with sex and autoerotism even when they accord with the precepts is that they feed into the bottomless hunger of the beast of craving. Engaging in either only makes it easier to do so in the future and harder to resist. But, from my own experience, I find that the longer I am able to refrain, the better and more at peace I feel.

So, as difficult as all of this is and has been I am grateful to my wife for helping me to see the limits of marital happiness and what it really can mean to entangle oneself.

May she be learn to be truly happy and find release from all suffering.

May I never become involved romantically or sexually with anyone in this and in all future lives.

May we all practice ardently until we have secured a refuge for ourselves from sickness, aging and death.


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