Posted by: Upāsaka | 09/05/2018

The Good Karma of a Bad Marriage

I feel almost unkind writing this but this realization has completely changed the way I look at my wife and marriage. What if my marriage was all that I could have hoped for? Filled with tenderness, intimacy and sexual compatibility? What if my wife treated me with love, deference and respect? What if we could talk for hours like best friends? I mean, this is what most married people in our society hope for isn’t it? Isn’t this drive to experience these pleasures the thing that impels people to rush through their lives testing and discarding partners like used tissue paper?

What a truly terrifying thought it seems to me now to actually get what you want from a marriage! A life spent cultivating a deep attachment to a person and pleasures that will have to break up with the progress of aging, the arising of sickness and the surety of death. Whereas I have resented my wife for years for not being a “good partner” I now feel actual gratitude for her helping me along the Path. Anytime I begin to feel close, to slip into the intoxication she is able to shock me out of it. But, I really don’t want to dwell on that aspect of it as it feels like a left-handed compliment.

May I be grateful for the conditions of this life that have kept turning me towards the Dhamma. May I never relent until I have a firm footing in the stream. May my wife quickly find release from suffering along with my children and all beings.


Responses

  1. Hi. What has brought me to Buddhism and meditation was not happiness. It was stress, anxiety, anger and sadness. Those things still very much fuel my practice. If I got to choose: to either be perfectly happy (simply by chance!) and never discover the Dharma or work through the dukkha towards happiness/equanimity by applying Buddha’s teachings, hands down!, I would always choose the latter. Good luck, Sir!

    • Thanks for sharing that. Be well!


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