Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I have been trying to dedicate myself to the practice of the Four Elements meditation as taught by the Venerable Pa Auk Sayadaw but have been struggle by against my own laziness and something I might provisionally describe as fear.

My journey to the Pa Auk method began when I picked up the Venerable Ledi Sayadaw’s book The Requisites of Enlightenment and his descriptions of the precariousness and preciousness of this birth really lit a fire under my bum. Unfortunately I feel that my faculties are out of whack now and the overflowing of effort is resulting in restlessness and, strangely enough, sloth and torpor.

So, under these circumstances and facing a spouse who seems to want to deliberately try to upset and destabilize me I can see no better quality to cultivate than equanimity or imperturbability. By sticking with buddho at the nostrils and coordinating it with the breath I can at least regain some calm and present a façade of imperturbability to my wife’s jabs and at least prevent the arising of unwholesome kamma.

This, in conjunction with the difficulties I’m facing trying to put the teachings into practice should serve to humble me if I had any pretensions about my spiritual development. I’m really still a deluded worldling but I can at least work on my paramis with the hope that in this life or another to come I can Delos samadhi and pañña and start to put an end to this mess once and for all.