Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Yesterday was hard. Disappointment after disappointment and what felt like a never ending cascade of disrespect and selfishness rained down upon me. It became so overwhelming to me that by the end of the night I just clammed up and meditated alone, determined not to speak to anyone until morning. The good thing was that I realized immediately how problematic it was to hold onto these feelings of enmity. Unfortunately it wasn’t until this morning during a 45 minute sit that I was able to sort it all out.

Right here, this morning, was where the rubber really hits the road for my practice. If I didn’t use the methods I have learned to brighten the mind and to clean it up, what would be the purpose or point. After about a half hour of breath, forgiveness, metta and karuna it became clear that I was holding onto poison and was punishing only myself. And the important part was that it wasn’t solely an intellectual realization but was visceral as well. I can’t pretend that I’ve done away with ill-will for good but I’m in a much better place to start the day than I was before I sat.