Posted by: Upāsaka | 01/02/2018

Feeling Sorry for Myself

I’ve noticed that when I feel that I’m obligated to do things for my family and am unable to devote time to practice or (possibly even) relaxation, feelings of resentment and self-pity arise. When looked at objectively it’s hard to understand how I can be so easily fooled but it happens time and again; so much so that it seems like figuring this out is one of the great tasks of this life.

More often than not, I end up feeling this way when others around me are critical of me or my contribution and then, feeling obligated and duty-bound, I do whatever is expected of my with a heavy heart and mind ablaze with aversion. A thousand thoughts red-hot with resentment affirm my righteous indignation and stoke the flames ever higher until anger overcomes me or, in the best cases, I patiently forebear. In the end though, what’s left but ashes and bitterness?

Why do I believe that I’m so special? Why, when I daily make asseverations to help all beings, am I so quick to resent those who need my help? Why do I cast myself as a victim of my own choices?


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