It seems to me that so much of the home life, in my experience, it’s about suffering and forbearance. It’s easy to see how being a householder could easily lead one into lower states ere one nite to remain vigilant and carefully guard one’s precepts. Khanti parami is the one quality I often turn to at home but I’ve begun to be a little concerned about how I’ve been practicing it.
It feels that I’m somehow just grinning and bearing it. When the criticisms come I feel m myself withering under them while simultaneously wanting to strike back or at least clarify the matter. I want the opportunity to made the “truth” understood. In retrospect I can see what a listing proposition this is: the constant criticism is not actually meant to communicate anything other than a general sense of antipathy towards the world. I jus happen to be the most convenient target.
They’re is no changing this within the confines of our relationship so it really is up to me to practice with it while being sensitive to the suffering it causes me. Yes, I need to develop both fortitude and equanimity but along the way I must always be open to my own hurt.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
Leave a Reply