Cattāri Brahmavihārā

It hasn’t been lost on me that, for as much as I espouse lofty ideas and standards of practice outside the home, my home life is pretty much in a constant state of crisis and disarray. Whether it’s disrespectful kids, angry and resentful spouses or family obligations demanding my time, it’s clear that I’ve got a lot of work to do. 

It seems that whenever I forget this, I quickly lose my bearings and slide back into suffering. I’m getting the impression that family life, if it’s to be lived well without causing more harm to oneself and others, must be lived for others without regard for oneself.

It really does seem that the Tibetan concern with self-cherishing has everything to do with the problems of family/lay life. I find this to be the car while I acknowledge that, in my mind, overcoming of egotism is not, by itself, sufficient for liberation. So, May I return to these lojong and tonglen practices knowing then to be an expedient means for living in family.