I’ve never really thought about the possibility that I would be denied access to training in a spiritual discipline but that is precisely what has happened. Perhaps it’s hubris or an unexamined sense of entitlement, but suffice it to say that being rebuffed twice in less than a month left my mind telling in confusion and aversion as I sat in meditation. What is this telling me?
There is a lesson here and it is a valuable one-that much I can intuit. But how to best digest it? I have come to the realization that I never want to be in a leadership role or to take in the responsibilities of a teacher so then what is the draw? I want a place that offers opportunities for regular practice and retreat in the midst of my daily life. I want to someday be able to offer presence for people crossing from this life to the next. But, having been told that this is not possible for me with the teacher I have been frequenting what should I do?
I am inclined to stay on out of compassion: he is old and is trying to start a new temple in NYC and having a rough time of it. It’s clear that I won’t be getting any further instruction except for the lessons of patience and commitment. Just for that it makes sense to stay on but I may also take up the search one more for a place I can find those things.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
Rejection. My theme this morning. Crazy enough, this was the first post in my Buddha list this morning. It is terrible. It is heartbreaking. It is a lesson and the Universe’s road sign. Still is no fun. 😦
By: rethinklife on 11/12/2015
at 3:27 pm
Thanks for your comments. It’s not so bad now that I’ve had some time to ponder. It is certainly a lesson, I just have to figure out what it’s teaching me. Be well!
By: Upāsaka on 11/12/2015
at 3:35 pm
Hi Mike,
What was the reason given for rejecting your applications?
With metta,
Ben
By: benoloughlin on 11/12/2015
at 7:52 pm
[…] the way the Universe works, this morning one of the first blogs I read had to do with rejection. The writer had been rejected admission to a spiritual training. In […]
By: Road Signs | rethinklifeproject on 11/12/2015
at 10:33 pm
That does sound frustrating…were you given clear reasons, or just told to be patient and trust? I have a hard time with teachers who won’t answer questions, as if just by virtue of them being the teacher and you the student, you should defer to their authority. That is a codependent relationship if I have ever heard of one. My sense is that if your teacher won’t answer your questions and you are feeling more and more frustrated, perhaps seek the guidance of another teacher. Of course anyone could argue that all setbacks are opportunities, but you can only bang your head against the same wall so many times before you knock yourself unconscious…Good luck to you, and may you find what you are seeking, my friend.
By: Lorien on 11/13/2015
at 2:24 am