Today is an Uposatha day and, as had become customary lately, I am ambivalent and indecisive about whether to observe. I see great benefit in the practice and in developing nekkhama parami but my days seem so ill suited to certain aspects of it that I pull back and don’t follow through. So, I will observe in a way that at least acknowledges the renunciate aspect of today by only eating a midday meal and foregoing dinner. This way I can still work a full day and help my wife with her studies tonight without having a complete breakdown.
Is it the way I would prefer to observe? No but what would that really mean? Best to do what I can with the right intention than to obsess over the particulars.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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