One thing that I have never yet done enough of in this life is to see the benefits of the practice and to take joy in the results. For to long I have relied on sheer, blind will power to push myself through experience, techniques and trials and I have relied little reward from it. Granted, I have learned much about Right Effort, persistence and the application of energy but I have missed so many opportunities to cultivate a real and sustaining joy in the Dhamma.
Last night, during the class, it became clear to me when a fellow student shared his experience of the Uposatha that I had been practicing like a mindless automaton yet again. I had missed the point, been heedless and simply press my board to the grind in order to “get it done.” Surely there is a time for such exertion but on a day dedicated to cultivating wakefulness alarm bells should have been sounding in my heart and mind.
Still, thanks to the sharing in class, I was able to come back and bring heedfulness to bear. Doing so I realized that my faltering practice of buddho was actually bringing good result in formal meditation and that there were more moments of stillness amidst the intense storms of suffering that I could use as touchstones throughout the day. May I not forget to see the benefits of the practice and take a moment to appreciate them whenever possible.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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