Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Walking from dropping off my daughter to the train I noticed just how hard it was to keep returning my attention to the breath. And, for whatever reason, this struck me as unfair. It was as if I believed somewhere that now that I had made my resolve things should be more or less easy for me. As it turns out my resolve probably means the exact opposite: I can espect to find a lot more resistance now that I am attempting to stick with it.

I suppose what startled me most was the fact that it is so much easier to go with distraction. Despite what pleasures may eventually come as a fruit of the practice, one should rightly expect the practice to be hard work. I think my inner bliss junkie has been steering me wrong again and I need to re-examine my intentions. Rather than await pleasant states to which I feel somehow entitled I should aim to center myself beyond pleasure and pain to see more clearly.