Posted by: Upāsaka Subhavi | 09/02/2013

Appreciative Joy

For most of the day I felt broken in body and, consequently I suppose, in spirit. I believe I may have pushed myself well beyond the point of exhaustion in the preceding three days and I was paying for it today. My mind was enshrouded in darkness and despair and I felt distinctly  strange as I step out the door of my apartment building and onto the street. Making my way up 14th Street I had the impression that people were giving me quizical looks and staring at me to the point that I actually had to check if there were something on my face. And, as I got closer to Union Square, the strangeness only seemed to intensify. The throngs of people all began to seem as characters in a daytime fantasmagoria and I believe there were moments of downright panic. This was the mind state I brought with me to the meditation class that I was co-managing.

The buzzing strangeness only began to dissipate after I completely felt some moments of abject terror during the meditation period but true relief only came as I listened to the Dhamma talk. My teacher was exhorting us not to squander our lives in heedlessness and to train the mind in whatever way we could and to recognize our blessings to be born human and have the opportunity to practice. And, it was hearing this and the questions of my brothers and sisters in the Dhamma that truly brought home to my how grateful I am for all of this: for the Buddha, the Dhamma, the Sangha, my teachers, to all people dedicated to realizing goodness, to you reading this now. Without spiritual friends, without the encouragement of others I would be lost. I would have never found my way at all. And, although words cannot express the gratitude I have for all of you I will say it all the same:

Thank you.

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