Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I can’t recall a time in the recent past when I have been so consistently plagued by financial concerns. It has gotten to the point where I am even reluctant to meditate because I am so averse to the idea of being swamped by worries and financial phantasmagoria. And yet, though I may be suffering as a result of clinging to the illusions of security, the degree of dukkha is considerably less than what I imagine I would feel with the loss of a child or spouse. As such, I have been trying to dedicate some time to reflecting on the countless blessings of my life at least once a day and reminding myself that, yes, it’s bad but it could easily be much worse.

So, all of the above are important points of recollection but sitting with the seemingly endless assaults of worry has had me in a pretty bad way. Luckily, my conviction in the Triple Gem and especially in the Dhamma is strong enough that it is not a question of whether I should meditate but simply a question of how. As I sat and watched my mind run hither and tither making plans and a hundred different resolves it cam to me (after a good half-hour) that I needed to let the fear and worry in completely. Seeing it I invited it in and relaxed every muscles in my body to let the energy run through me as I called up all of the fears that I had hitherto pushed out of awareness and only shamefully acknowledged until now. Letting it in and feeling it run it’s course really opened things up and the oppresive weight of it all lifted. I know that as my mindfulness and heedfulness wane in the course of the day it will creep back in and sit on my chest and shoulders like a witch’s familiar but I just need to remember not to fight it and to let it in and let it be.