Posted by: Upāsaka | 08/07/2013

Happy Uposatha – Falling Apart

This morning started out rather well and although (perhaps, because) my meditation was difficult I saw clearly the value of compassion for one’s sufferings. This theme has been bouncing around in my head since I asked a question of my teacher on Sunday regarding fabrications and perceptions to use when the mind seems to be a complete mess and he replied that perhaps the best thing to do would be to accept it, move to fabricating compassion for one’s troubles and then returning to the breath. Always the skeptic I was initially aversive to his suggestion but after almost of decade of interacting with him I somehow realized that he might know what he was talking about.

So, today was the first time I have really had a good opportunity to put it into practice during a sit. The mind was wild and unruly and I was getting pretty desperate when I remembered his advice. Having exhausted my options I gave it a try and lo and behold there was an opening. It was literally as if the compassion cleared away the miasma of dukkha and I was able to clearly see, if only for a moment, the workings of the mind and the arising and passing away of the thoughts. Suffice it to say I was quite taken with the realization.

Fast forward to the end of the session and what was an uposatha day turns into a mudslide of work and family obligations. In the end I have found myself holding the observance in my hands in tatters with nearly every renunciate precept broken and no peace of mind to speak of. And yet, this morning’s lesson has allowed me to feel compassion for the pain and disappointment without adding anything extra to it.



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