My wife commented ruefully how it seems that I am never happy and do not enjoy myself in life and, sadly, I can’t say that I imagine myself as a particularly happy-go-lucky type of guy nor do I enjoy things that come naturally to almost every one I know. Now I could easily paint this in a favorable light and imply that because I don’t listen to music, watch sports or movies and am generally disinterested in all things not Dhamma I am leaps and bounds ahead of my contemporaries but not only is that immodest it also strikes me as somehow insincere; these are things I have given up for my own happiness and quite willingly, with almost no effort. The part that troubles me and which I think she is pointing out is the fact that I can be at times exhausted by the demands of my children and irritated by the exigencies and pettiness of householder life. It is this, coupled with my very real inability to conjure up excitement about a day spent in the park or watching a movie with my family that leaves me feeling as if I’m doing it wrong.
What is perhaps even more interesting about my wife’s comment today was the fact that just this morning (before her observation) I read and was moved by an article about Buddhism and taking up an attitude of cheerfulness. In essence, the article was encouraging us to view cheerfulness as a fabrication we could use to help us put some space between ourselves and our present circumstance as well as a facet of brahma vihara practice. All of these are great aims and I certainly would like to put them into practice bbut how to do so? I have so many times in the past attempted to curb my negativity and sarcasm and have repeatedly met with failure but it really does seem that an attitude of cheerfulness or a reasonable facsimile thereof is what is required.
So, in the spirit of perseverance, I make the aditthana to embody a cheerful attitude and to practice Right Speech by not complaining or engaging in negative verbal acts. If you’re interested you may find it here: http://www.buddhistchannel.tv/index.php?id=7,7542,0,0,1,0#.UdCEDvkm03Q
May we meet our lives with cheerfulness and strive ever onward towards purity!
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Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
I, like you, try to balance family life with a thirst for Dhamma. Maybe because I am at a relatively early stage of the way that the opposite seems true. My family are noticing an increasing positiveness and cheerfulness. I find my practise becomes easier the more I try to appear positive and smiley, and so it becomes easier to appear positive and smiley. I am deeply moved and effected by Dhamma but I have to live in the real world with my family. I try not to talk about Dhamma with my wife and although I have become a vegetarian and walk carefully over grass 🙂 I only moderate my love of good wine and Newcastle United Football club. I try to do these in a mindful way.
By: lyleltd on 06/30/2013
at 7:56 pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I couldn’t speculate about the reasons for our different experiences except to say that mine are (as yours) conditioned by my past kamma. I am so glad to hear that the Dhamma is proving to be such a blessing to you and yours! Every good blessing to you!
By: Upāsaka on 06/30/2013
at 8:48 pm
Thank you for this reminder… for the past few weeks I, too, have been struggling with negative mind, and for all the cheerfulness that one is “supposed” to experience once we’ve actually learned to “let go” … I seem to be *freaking out* and clinging more than ever… and, oh, that clinging causes such suffering; but I am good friends with suffering!
Today, I shall play the part of the happy yogi, if only to cheer up those who care about me! 😉
By: Tucson Blonde on 07/04/2013
at 8:03 pm
I like this post, it feels very self-aware and honest…
It’s funny how that is… just when one spouse is cheerful the other will feel comfortable enough to open up and tell their true feels of discontent, perhaps not always in the best way or best moment. (I know I have done that with my husband, and he has done with to me.) But perhaps we can see it as a sign the one being cheerful is doing things well, since the other person at last feels at ease and as though they can vent their suffering “safely.” It’s hard to see that in the moment though, in my case anyway. And it can be very draining. Expansion and contraction… perhaps in an ideal world we can say, in our own words, “I will admit it hurts to receive criticism just when I am attempting to be cheerful, but I really appreciate you opening up to me about this, and I can see you’re partly right… thank you for telling me.” And then let those good vibes seed for a while before expecting results… easier said than done.
Thanks for sharing your journey, it’s helpful.
By: Nadine on 02/22/2019
at 7:05 am