Cattāri Brahmavihārā

This morning is a perfect example of a pattern that seems to repeat itself time and again in my life: my wife woke up in a bad mood (or, alternatively, I had failed to execute her wishes for the morning routine prior to leaving for work) and each minute that she was awake was filled with commands, demands and recriminations. I think I did a relatively good job at keeping my reactivity and anger check although I must admit to grumbling throughout and even, at one point, expressing my displeasure that our mornings have to be like this (in those exact words).

So, why is it that I feel bad about it? Why do I feel as if I have done something wrong? I think part of it is that I believe that I should be able to remain equanimous in the face of it all and that anything less than the response of a saint is blame worthy (and, in a certain way it is). Still, what is it that I expect? I think that a more skillful way for me to approach such situations would be to restrain myself and prevent bad speech and bodily actions and not expect to be able to remain untouched by the storm emotionally. In others it is okay if I do not possess the imperturbability of a saint but my speech and deeds should be in line with the Dhamma even if my mind is not. Furthermore, I should congratulate myself for the small victories such as holding my tongue in order to strenggthen such forbearance in the future.

May we all have the strength to endure insults and injury and clear the path to the Dhamma!