Cattāri Brahmavihārā

It is both Fathers’ Day and the uposatha and the fact that it is both would seem to provide a great opportunity for me to explore my own feelings about the holiday in a way I might not otherwise. But, let me cut to the chase: I find myself having to actively resist feelings of resentment because I am not receiving the same kind of treatment that my wife enjoyed on Mothers’ Day. There. I said it and it appears to me just as small-hearted and petty as I imagine it would to anyone else but it is the truth of my experience right now whether I like it or not.

So, what to do? Well, thankfully as a result of my practice and study, I am at least able to see that there is a choice. I can choose to either take it in stride and be an adult or I can choose to be a child and demand that everyone treat me (by everyone, of course, I mean my wife) as if I were deserving of special treatment by merit solely of my own virility.

Yes, one could say that such a facile argument misses the point and that the real point is that we, as a society, have agreed to honor fathers on this day and that failure to do so surely shows a lack of respect, love or fill-in-the-blank but how wouold that serve me or anyone else? Not knowing another’s motives and wanting happiness for myself most of all why not pursue a line of reasoning which is conducive to calm and peace?

May all fathers be well, happy and peaceful! May the soon attain the threefold bliss and realize the Deathless!