My little girl fractured her leg yesterday and now has to endure four long weeks in a cast during which she cannot walk, jump, run or otherwise put any weight on her leg. Suffice it to say that she doesn’t understand the necessity of the cast and continuously asks to take it off.
Now, in many ways, I feel I am either deficient or (more than likely) simply not in touch with my feelings of love and concern which is why I feel the need to put so much emphasis on the formal practice of the brahmaviharas. Yet, as I contemplated her leg stuck in a cast for a month intense feelings of claustrophobia and nausea swept over me. At times I almost felt as if I were going to crawl out of my skin the feeings were so overwhelming. I’m not sure if the tonglen practice of taking her suffering and giving her my ease was responsible for the reaction or if it would have happened regardless but I realize only now that upekkha was missing from the equation and rather than opening my heart I met the experience with fear and aversion.
Another thing tthat has troubled me is my role in addressing the situation at hand: when my wife called I immediately hopped on a train to meet them at the doctor’s and then escorted them to the hospital before continuing on to pick up my son. But, and my wife has made her displeasure with me on this point known, there’s not much more I can do. I have to go to work and so my wife has to figure out how to ferry our two kids back from Brooklyn today and how to accomplish the various and sundry tasks of quotidian life with a child who must now be carried everywhere. What am I to do? I feel horrible and wish there were more I could do but I simply don’t see anything I can do to change the situation. In this case I will simply need to stay alert to the places where I can help while still fulfilling my rolle as the sole provider.
Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu!
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
Much Metta to little daughter, to you and whole family…life is the practise,no escape..better not to do Tonglen practise..it doesn.t come from the Buddha..all people whom i heard about got stuck after a while in inhaling the suffering of others.They got blocks in their breasts and aversions..practically it.s not possible to inhale the suffering of others..and the Buddha was the most realistic and practical teacher..do Metta,Metta,Metta..for yourself..and then for others..i remember in sharon salzbergs first book,that she did Metta one month only for herself..was great experience,she wrote ..Don.t underestimate what you can do to support your comrade wife during this time..even she has to face the day work with 2 children,you can give a lot of emotional support to her..so that she feels to be understood and to have somebody who keeps her free from worries about money and takes maybe over to look more for the boy..Situation is a challange but if mindful used it can bring a lot of new and beautiful experiences and a new closeness of whole family..Anicca is also a great meditation..wish you all the best and a quick recovering to little daughter.BUDUSARANAI from Sri Lanka
By: Ven.dhammadipa on 05/21/2013
at 5:54 pm
Ayya,
Thank you for your words. I have tried to find a detailed explanation of how to practice metta but find only the instructions as listed in the Visuddhimagga. The Karaniya Metta Sutta is somewhat vague. Any help would be appreciate.
Mettaya,
By: Upāsaka on 05/21/2013
at 6:18 pm