Posted by: Michael Rickicki | 05/20/2013

Dissonance

On paper this morning was perfect: I woke up early enough to get in 50 minutes of mediation and had time to chant the refuges, precepts and the brahmaviharas. After that, however, the mind seemingly soured and rather than enjoying a mind elevated and brightened by my meditation it felt almost as if I hadn’t meditated at all. And, although I can’t know why, it is clear that what arose was nothing less than the fruits of my past thoughts, words and deeds. In fact, the waves of resentment, irritation and anger that broke over me with the insistence of a rising tide were nothing if not familiar. After years of deaing with stresses in unskillful ways and succumbing to angry impulses what more did I really expect? If anything, the mindfulness and concentration which I was able to cultivate most likely allowed me to see more clearly just what it was that was going on under the surface in a way that would not have been possible had I not meditated. Still, the dissonance between the peace of anapanasati and the jarring, Monday morning reality was enough to almost knock me completely off my feet. Thankfully, however, this practice of reflection has become enough of a habit that it gives me the ability to reflect on what is happening before it gets too far.

May we appreciate the bleesings of our practice! May we be ever grateful not only to our teachers but to all beings who make practice possible!


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Shillelagh Studies

A hub for the music, culture, knowledge, and practice of Irish stick-fighting, past and present.