Today has been a struggle to remember my intention to radiate metta and to generate the enthusiasm required to do so in part because it has been a pretty busy week so far (only 2 days in) and for other kammic reasons of which I am unaware. Nonetheless, when I have remembered to smile it has been much easier so I am grateful for the practice. There is, however, one thing I noticed yesterday and which I have encountered before when practicing metta with the Dhammasukha method: I feel at times what can best be described as a fear or vulnerability when smiling at people.
Yes, it certainly sounds strange to me when I put it into words, but there are times when I am smiling and radiating metta that feel almost dangerous, as if I’m inviting something to happen. I can’t tell if this is simply a paranoid fear on my part or if I am actually opening myself up to potential problems although I have never yet had anything happen. To be clear: I don’t walk around the streets of New York maniacally smiling at strangers. It’s rather that I smile and try to cultivate an openness of heart which leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable.
Having said all of that I don’t intend to give up on this practice as fear has usually been a pretty good indicator that work needs to be done in a certain area. I would encourage anyone who reads this to share their feelings and experiences of metta in daily life because I’m interested to know if anyone else has noticed anything similar.
Rakkhantu sabba devata!
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
I think I’ve sensed the same feeling of vulnerability, and I think it is some sort of “ego” response — that in practicing this way, we’re actually experiencing the devolution of the distinction between self and other, and the attachment to self kicks in by way of fear.
Be well, friend.
By: Hickersonia on 05/01/2013
at 3:11 pm
I occasionally feel the same fears, when being vulnerable. I also think it’s our ego not accepting not being the center of our attention.
By: keiththegreen on 05/01/2013
at 4:19 pm
New york really not an an easy field…
My experience, we are simple not used ,not trained to open our heart – towards our self and towards others. We lost this innocent ability during our childhood, youth, education etc.. somewhere on the way..we have locked our heart to keep us save…
So we have to learn how to enter again; like our PC or face book account : )
the Teacher here spoke about 3 passwords to enter the own heart:
G e n t l e n e s s towards yourself and towards other, a c c e p t e n c e towards yourself and others, and k i n d n e s s towards yourself and others.
May these pass words work for you and all
Metta from Sri Lanka, Country of smiles
By: Ven. Dhammadipa on 05/02/2013
at 1:54 am