Cattāri Brahmavihārā

During the last few days I have been reflecting a lot on the idea and practice of self-forgiveness. In the past I have always practiced forgiveness with a mental sledgehammer and just whacked away at myself by repeating a phrase such as “I ask forgiveness for any harm I have done” or “May I forgive myself completely.” I must admit that this was definitely helpful at times, especially when my mind state was really heavy and crude but as it would settle I found that this heavy-handed technique just created more tension and stress. So this morning I experimented with the idea of just dropping the words into the well of darkness and listening for their echoes as they bounced around in the depths. In this way I was able to incline my heart towards forgiveness and listen (feel) the responses that came back. Trying to describe it now is pretty hard as I kind of intuited my way in but it is a technique I intend to work with more so hopefully, at some later time, I will be able to articulate exactly what I was doing.

Nonetheless, the fact remains that today’s sit represented a real shift away from forcing and into probing. The idea of setting an intention, mentally enunciating it and waiting to see how the heart-mind and body respond has really proven to be a revelation to me and has completely reinvigorated my practice. Silly maybe but for years I really believed that the only tool in the box worth using was a hammer…

May we see ever more clearly and may we know the peace of Nibbana in this very life!

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