Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Today’s uposatha kind of took me by surprise. You see, last night for the first time in as long as I can remember, I stayed up reading a book until the wee hours of the morning–I believe it was 1:30AM when I went to sleep. Normally I get up around 4:00am but I obviously felt the need for a little more sleep so didn’t make it out of bed until around 6am today. Once I got my bearings I realized that we were due for an uposatha and quickly took the precepts and sat for a quick 15 minutes before the wife and kids awoke.

Still, partly as a result of the subject of the book World War Z (yes, I was reading trash) and partly due to sleep deprivation today finds me in a weird headspace. In my second sitting of the day I kept having recurring visions of the undead in mind which is largely the reason I had sworn off TV shows like the Walking Dead and surprised myself by indulging so completely last night. I had resolved to give up such shows and forms of diversion because my psyche is just too impressionable. For days after I walked the premier of the Walking Dead my sits would be filled with ghastly images and the same would happen at night. Just the thought that I could die with such a thought being the last thing to ever pass through my mind and be responsible for the birth linking consciousness was enough to make swear it off.

Obviously that didn’t work. What I did do today and have done in the past is to send metta to nightmarish visions as they arise and have found that to be a useful technique. Nonetheless I’m still left with the question of why I’m so drawn to scare myself silly in this way despite the fact that no answer would ever be satisfactory.

Anyhow, I wish all of you a fruitful uposatha. May we nurture our minds with Dhamma and seek to consume only that which is wholesome and necessary to tread the path to Awakening. Be well!

Related articles

• Top 8 things I’ve learned in 2012 (Part 1)
• Silanussati on Christmas’ Eve
• My New Approach to New Year’s Resolutions
• World War Z