Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Yes, I realize it’s kind of jarring to combine felicitations with regret and remorse but that’s just where today finds me. Let me get right to the point: How does one deal with the fact of having done something unskillful while knowing full well that one cannot trust oneself to act more wisely in the future? It’s a conundrum and it seems to repeat itself over and over again in life but took its most vivid form for me when I was trying to quit smoking. I struggled for years to quit and it was only when I made the firm determination never to smoke again that I was able to do so even in the face of withdrawal symptoms that racked my body every few minutes for 3-months’ time. Nonetheless, I can happily say that I haven’t smoked in years and have no desire to do so today.

But, what does that mean with regard to my current predicament (the details of which aren’t so important, I’m interested more in the general principle)? Although I hate to feel constrained to take an all or nothing approach what is to be gained by moderately engaging in unskillful behavior? The obvious answer is that there’s nothing top be gained at all so I think my question really comes down to understanding, for myself, if the behavior is really, truly unskillful or if it has any redeeming qualities. If the later holds true then any feelings of remorse are unjustified (but still very real) and if not I need to firmly resolve to quit.