Cattāri Brahmavihārā

It should come as no surprise that, from time to time, even our nearest and dearest ones can slip from the heights to which we’ve elevated them and behave (or at least, appear to behave) as if they were our worst enemies. I have often taken comfort in and attempted to put into practice the advice given in the following short sutta from the Anguttara Nikaya which takes as its subject the five ways of removing annoyance.

Bhikkhus, there are these five ways of removing annoyance, by which annoyance can be entirely removed by a bhikkhu when it arises in him. What are the five?

Loving-kindness can be maintained in being towards a person with whom you are annoyed: this is how annoyance with him can be removed.

Compassion can be maintained in being towards a person with whom you are annoyed; this too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

Onlooking equanimity can be maintained in being towards a person with whom you are annoyed; this too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

The forgetting and ignoring of a person with whom you are annoyed can be practiced; this too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

Ownership of deeds in a person with whom you are annoyed can be concentrated upon thus: “This good person is owner of his deeds, heir to his deeds, his deeds are the womb from which he is born, his deeds are his kin for whom he is responsible, his deeds are his refuge, he is heir to his deeds, be they good or bad.” This too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

These are the five ways of removing annoyance, by which annoyance can be entirely removed in a bhikkhu when it arises in him.
-AN 5.161

Rather than simply thinking about it I actually took half an hour last night to apply the advice of this sutta and found, much to my delight, that it really worked. Why I should be surprised at the efficacy of Buddha-vacana is itself surprising but I am continually awestruck by the clarity of the Buddha’s vision and his ability as a teacher.

In brief, I first spent some time reflecting on the fact that everything that happens to me is the result of my own actions so any “mistreatment” I may be receiving is the ripening of kammic seeds. Secondly I reflected that the person who spoke to me harshly will, them-self, have to bear the consequences of their actions. From that point I was able to develop compassion for the suffering they will surely endure and must be feeling in order to feel that they needed to lash out. Once I had established a base of compassionate concern it was easy enough to move onto to metta for them and, finally, from there to mudita.