Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 10/14/2013

Silent Illumination

So much of my practice seems to come down to struggling against the defilements that I often forget to really look at exactly what is going on in the heart. At the slightest hint of anything akusala I feel that I react strongly to quash it, often times without actually giving myself a chance to know the mind states or movements very well at all. I am, perhaps, not being entirely fair in my characterization but it is certain that I often feel as if I am contracted and tense in expectation of something. It is as if I can’t trust myself to let in all of my experience (if that makes any sense).

As such, I have decided to take up (yet again) the Soto Zen practice of shikantaza (silent illumination in some Chan schools) as a way of being with the mind and body and trying to be aware of whatever comes up. As Than Geoff rightfully points out, any attempts to cultivate such “bare awareness” are misguided if they are undertaken under the assumption that they can provide an access to the moment or one’s experience anterior to fabrication but, not to worry, as I am not laboring under such an understanding. Rather, understanding that I am engaged in a process of fabricating an open awareness that must constantly readjust itself and relax the continuous tensing and contracting of both mind and body I hope to shed the light of awareness onto whatever it is that comes into the mind. Opening, seeing, softening. Repeat.

It is my plan to add ten minutes of shikantaza to my morning routine prior to anapanasati and after my 10 minute session of walking. We shall see how it all turns out. Every good blessing!

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Posted in Aditthana, Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Theravada | Tags: Awareness, meditation, shikantaza, suffering, Zen

Posted by: Michael | 10/12/2013

Happy Uposatha – Cleaning House

I don’t know why but the idea occurred to me this morning that the best way I could observe the uposatha would be not solely through trying to spend more time in meditation and contemplation but by taking the initiative to clean the house and put things in order. This is not to say that we are slovenly folk in my house, it’s just that with two kids and a job that threatens to consume your life things outside of the essential can slip by unnoticed.

I believe it was something I read in my teacher’s new book, The Skill of LIving, about being true to one’s word that got me thinking about how the way we conduct ourselves in all aspects of our life off the cushion reflects our approach to the Dhamma. So, if I am lackadaisical when it comes to organization and order on the outside how can I expect to be finely attuned and aware of the subtle movements of the mind let alone the breath. I feel that everything needs to be done with a sense of purpose and clear comprehension if we are to make an end to this mass of suffering and a big part of that for me, as a householder, is keeping house.

May we all attain great fruit and benefit from our practice of the Dhamma in whatever way we are able.

The Wings of Awakening (tjoaputra.com)
Loving-Kindness Meditation and Change (truthfrequencyradio.com)
Meditation – help your children to be focused, and stress free (fromandforkids.wordpress.com)

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Parenting, Practice at Work, Theravada, Uposatha

Posted by: Michael | 10/11/2013

The Dhamma and the Discipline of Working

This morning I ran afoul of my wife’s plans because I had assumed I would be taking my son to school and working for the res of the day. Although she relented because she realized she had told me about her change of plans a heated argument ensued and was followed by a series of texts. In essence she asserted that my commitment to the job was actually akusala and bad for the family despite (or maybe because of) my insistence that I am working so hard now to make up for lost ground (suffice it to say that we made some changes to our site and have been penalized for it).

On one hand the fear and anxiety that drive me are definitely unskillful. That I can see but my wife has expressed her unwillingness to move to cheaper areas and will not budge on other expenses so, in many ways, I feel beholden to work the way I do to pay for our obligations. I have been quite disturbed by the whole thing and have no real answers. May I find a way to live more skillfully in the midst

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Posted in Dhamma

Posted by: Michael | 10/10/2013

Irritation at Work

Lately I’ve been noticing that I have been relating to one of my employees out of a mind of irritation and annoyance. My so-called reasons for doing so are seemingly justified by what I regard as his general incompetence and ineptitude but when I think about it, the entire problem seems to boil down to my own perceptions and expectations.

In essence, we have been having a rough time of it at work which is forcin.g us to look hrd at productivity. In good times the job he did was valuable enough and the season was profitable enough to overlook his failings. it is only now, when the chips are down that his weaknesses have become glaringly obvious. But| what about loyalty? What about appreciation? It seems so easy to forget how much such a person has done for you when you’re in the midst of a full blown panic. Sadly it’s easy to see how companies even slightly larger than ours routinely make such decisions without regard for past contributions.

Even now I can hear a nagging voice in my head reciting a line about past productivity being no guarantee of future performance and how companies are justified in getting rid of dead weight but in my heart I know this is this completely hypothetical. In our case I know this person, know they mean well and have seen their dedication but, in a larger company, I could see a bad business decision being made in the name of savings. Not to mention a complete absence of noble qualities of heart.

May I treat all of my employees with kindness, goodwill and warmth. May I never fail to appreciate them or think of them with gratitude. May I ever fight the hardening of the heart.

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Posted in Dhamma | Tags: efficiency, employees, karuna, metta, mudita, profit motive, work

Posted by: Michael | 10/09/2013

The Uncomfortable Side of Closeness

I just left a conversation with two friends who happen to be the parents of a classmate of my son. I actually like them a lot but it feels to me as if I don’t yet know them very well. Despite that they opened up to me abolut a very personal and poignant event in their life that they were marking today and although I felt honored to share it with them and appreciate their good fortune there was yet a nagging discomfort.

As I walked to the train I found myself turning the situation over in my mind again and again. When is it appropriate to open up and to be so vulnerable? Is their a certain amount of time that needs to pass or is it something more ieffable than that? Writing this now it occurs to me that the disease may simply be a result of the rawness and vulnerability that we feel when we completely open without pretense.

Sabbe satta sabba dukkha pamuccantu.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Karuna, Maranasati, Metta, Mudita, Theravada | Tags: Dukkha, karuna, rawness, vulnerability

Posted by: Michael | 10/08/2013

One’s Children

I don’t know how common my experience is in other parts of the country where people spend most of their commuting time in passenger vehicles but the experience of having strangers act in hostile or unpleasant ways towards one’s children is commonplace here. This morning was a milder example of it as my daughter at her sandwich on a crowded bus and we received a curt admonishment from the lady sitting next to her to “Watch her sandwich!” I completely understand the sentiment (who wants PB and J on their sweater all day?) and I kept a close watch on the sandwich to ensure it never veered into the woman’s airspace (which it never did). Still, the entire bus ride was filled with this woman’s disgusted and anxious glances at my children. I realized that, were my wife to have been there, the situation could have gone sour (as it has on many previous occasions) but I was left with the question of how to hold the entire thing.

Would I have felt the same if I were her? would I want a child to wipe the food all over me? Could I forgive a child for dirtying my clothes? Could I forgive a woman’s irritation and unkindness with my children?

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Forgiveness, Karuna, Metta, Parenting, Theravada | Tags: karuna, metta

Posted by: Michael | 10/07/2013

Where is the breath? Where is the mind?

WHere is the breath? Where is the mind? This pair of phrases is a tool I have been using of late to return my attention to the subject of meditation both during formal anapanasati and (though less frequently) during daily life practice. Asking questions rather than mentally barking directives has both softened my heart and opened the practices in ways that I never thought possible before when I was trying to will my way to Nibbana. Asking where the mind is may seem like second nature to many of you meditators but asking about the breath has been, for me, somewhat revolutionary. In essence, when I ask where the breath is it is almost like a hand opening, a fist unclenching and I gift my self the opportunity to be still and feel just where the breath actually is. SO far, it has always been just where I left it during the last inhalation or exhalation but the possibility is there, the curiosity is there. And, this desire to see the Truth is what this Path really is all about it, isn’t it?

Morning Meditation (20andsober.wordpress.com)
108 Emotions (sorendreier.com)
breathing / meditation (senthaimassage.com)

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Posted in Anapanasati, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Formal Meditation, Practice at Work, Theravada | Tags: Alternative, Anapanasati, Attention, Breathing, health, meditation, Religion and Spirituality, Yoga

Posted by: Michael | 10/07/2013

What Is Really Important?

It’s so easy to believe that I need to worry about money, debt, security, health and myriad other things over which I have no ultimate control and which are completely unstable and not worthy refuges. But, why is this when every day someone close to us sickens, someone close dies, someone close is struggling? Why is it so hard to believe that this dukkha, this anicca is the truth of samsara and there is simply no bargaining with it? How can I accept teachings that I have no direct knowledge of like rebirth but I balk at the notion of unsatisfactoriness and impermanence despite seeing them day in and day out? What is this if not spiritual blindness?

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Posted in Anicca, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Dukkha, Theravada | Tags: anicca, deluson, Dukkha, moha

Posted by: Michael | 10/06/2013

Long Days

Lately it seems as if there is little to no time to myself as my days are filled with work or familial obligations. Were it possible I would love to work less and spend the difference of the time in reflection and contemplation but it just isn’t so. I guess my whole point here is simply that I feel sometimes like I’m losing touch with the heartwood of the practice. It is as if I am allowing myself to succumb to the pressures of daily life and forgetting my practice. It has gotten to the point where I am not always doing my evening practice and I have long since halted my nightly recitation of the Dhammacakkapavattana sutta. I simply tell myself that I don’t have the energy.

So, it occurs to me now that if I really believe the voices telling me that then I need to listent to them. If, in fact, I am too tired I will go directly to bed. No watching a program, no reading. Directly to bed. This is my aditthana to help reconnect me with the only thing that has ever given me a sense of purpose: the Dhamma.

Sukhi hotu!

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Daily Practice, Dhamma, Gratitude, Sangha, Theravada, Tisarana | Tags: aditthana, Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, Tisarana

Posted by: Michael | 10/04/2013

Happy Uposatha – Refuge

As I continue to work with the breath and incline the mind towards it in all postures I am realizing great benefits but not in the way I would have imagined. In short, although I do not often experience feelings of ease as a result of the breath during daily practice I at least have the sense that there is some place to go when storms rage through the mind. What is strange but gives me hope is that this is a non-discursive kind of reliance; it is as though I have learned that the breath is a safer place to put the mind much in the way I have learned to play the trumpet or ride a skateboard. It is a kind of knowing that is more holistic and less purely intellectual than those that normally occupy me throughout the course of the day.

May our uposatha observance be fruitful!

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Posted in Dhamma | Tags: Anapanasati, daily practice, uposatha