Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 09/26/2014

My Father

We’re visiting my father for the weekend and, as is the case for most of us, these visits are often fraught with emotional peril and dissonance. My relationship with my father has never been particularly close or warm but I long ago cried that one out and came to terms with it. However, for the last decade and a half I have watched my father’s health steadily decline while his choices and behaviors have gotten progressively worse. So it is that when we come to visit his house he spends most of the day chain-smoking and, once cocktail hour arrives, downing vodkas on the rocks despite the fact that he is a man with heart problems and who is slowly going blind.

I’m not sure what the “appropriate” reaction might be but I am always filled with a sense of despair and my heart breaks for what must be a lonely and misery-filled existence. So, this morning, I woke as he was going to bed and spent a half an hour in meditation contemplating his suffering and radiating metta and karuna to him. I was amazed by how quickly my heart opened and at the intensity of the feelings of love and sympathy but maybe I shouldn’t be surprised by the strength of one’s love for one’s parents.

So, what’s the point of all this? Why document this? I’m not sure, really. Initially I wanted to say that, despite my own perception of the situation, it is quite possible that my father isn’t suffering as much as I think he is; that I can’t know his thoughts and feelings with certainty so perhaps I’m painting a darker picture than is necessary. But, I don’t quite feel that way anymore. Still, I am powerless to do much more than send metta and karuna and to let him know, in whatever ways are possible, that he isn’t alone and here are people who love him.

May my parents receive the merits of my practice, may the devas protect them and may the always meet with the teachings of the Buddhas in this and all subsequent lives.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Karuna, Metta, Theravada | Tags: Ayya Khema, brahmavihara, Buddhism, Experience of Insight, Insight Meditation: The Practice of Freedom, Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, metta, Sharon Salzberg

Posted by: Michael | 09/25/2014

Free of Intoxicants | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to refrain from drink and drugs which cloud the mind.

There was a time when I would have scoffed at even the mere idea of refraining from intoxicants. Even after I had been introduced to the Dharma (it was the Bodhicaryavatara that truly put the hooks into me in the beginning) I kept on for years drinking and drugging simply because the pain was so great and my faith, though growing, was yet small. But were it not for the Dhamma I am sure I would be dead or in prison now. Sila saved my life.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sila, Theravada

Posted by: Michael | 09/23/2014

Not Raising One’s Voice | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule never to raise my voice in anger or irritation.

I specifically added this rule to the list because I found it to be something I was conditioned to do. For whatever reason my kamma is such that I resort to screaming when I find my children aren’t doing what they’re supposed to. Not only does this not work very well but it also paves the way for worse things.

So if I am able to become aware of what I’m doing before it’s too late I can short circuit the whole chain of events. Funny how in taking care of oneself one takes care of all others.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sila, Theravada | Tags: anger, irritation

Posted by: Michael | 09/22/2014

Using Good Words | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to never disparage or deride but to use my words only to encourage and uplift.

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with the formulation of these rules but then again the point really is to stretch myself. If these rules were so easy to follow there wouldn’t be any development of character so even in failing there is yet much gained.

So how often my words encouraging and uplifting? How often are they negative and derisive? I can think of forms of recent examples of the former and not even one occasion when my words uplifted or encouraged. May I take my life, speech and actions seriously looking that my barbed words will act as hooks dragging me down to hell.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sila, Theravada | Tags: derision, right speech, wrong speech

Posted by: Michael | 09/21/2014

Giving One’s Word | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to regard my word as a sacred oath; not to give it lightly but, once given, strive to honor it under all circumstances.

In my almost 40 years of life I feel that my track record of holding to my word is, at best, shoddy. I have always been good at keeping my word when it has come to work obligations but when it has come to things like calling friends or meeting up…well, let’s just say I have been known to flake out. Why this is I’m not certain but it seems that, when money is not involved, I let things slide even though it is these relationships that should take primacy.

As such, I will undertake to honor my word when it is given and refrain from giving it when I do not feel capable of following through. May I watch my speech closely and may I train my moth, heart and mind n line with the Dhamma.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: Book, Debt, Facebook, Political corruption, promotions, track record, United States, United States Constitution, writing

Posted by: Michael | 09/19/2014

Idle Chatter | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to refrain from useless or meaningless conversation.

When it comes right down to it I have to admit that almost everything I say could be considered idle chatter. Nowhere is this more true than at work where I feel the need to be the funny man, offering commentary on everything and everyone. This is likely exacerbated by the fact that I’m boss so rather than being put in my place I meet with laughter and approval.

In some ways I feel that I am perhaps being a bit harsh but that is really the crux of it isn’t it? When it comes down to it I just don’t know the impact I’m having on others so tbe smartest thing to do may just be to keep my trap shut except when necessary.

Which brings me to my final worry: even if I am strong enough to keep a lid on useless speech won’t I alienate everyone by not engaging in my usual, “friendly” banter? I have an inkling that if I could just practice all of these training rules regarding speech that wouldn’t be a problem at all since what words I did say would be pleasing to the ear and useful. May I redouble my efforts and learn to train my mind through my mouth.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sammā Vācā, Theravada | Tags: right speech, useless speech

Posted by: Michael | 09/18/2014

Avoiding Harsh Speech | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to refrain from using harsh or abusive speech.

I still feel somewhat shaken from yesterday’s bout of rage but it serves as a great teaching for me about the true danger of anger. It had become crystal clear that once the genie is out of the bottle it is difficult to put it back. Worse yet, until it is reigned in, it contaminates every perception, every thought. May I keep a closer watch on the mind and not allow it to tread that path again.

In a very real way, refraining from harsh and abusive speech addresses the same concern albeit on a more surface level.

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Posted in Abhaya-cariya, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: harsh Speech

Posted by: Michael | 09/17/2014

A Terrifying Rage

Today began like so many others: I cleaned up the inbox, put out fires, sat in meditation and made my formal aspirations for the day. But as the morning drew on the sharp twinge of anger and irritation began to dominate my field of awareness like a shard of glass that has worked its way into the soft flesh of the hand. And before I was able to stop it in its tracks it had turned all beings in the world into demons. It got so bad that at one point during the bus ride from our apartment to Union Square I noticed a young kid who kept staring at my son when he would accidentally rub his rub against him due to the cramped quarters. Luckily I didn’t say a word but I stared him down with what felt like murderous rage.

I confess this now to all of you out of shame and in the hope that it will aid me in overcoming anger in the future. What scares me is that such violence could arise from seemingly nowhere as a result of nothing. Luckily that was where it ended but in a few scant seconds I could have easily committed myself to the depths of hell.

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Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Theravada | Tags: anger, ill-will, rage

Posted by: Michael | 09/16/2014

Gossip | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to refrain from backbiting, gossip and malicious speech.

All oc the training rules that concern Right Speech have been profoundly difficult for me to observe spotlessly ane have uncovered and brought to life truths about my character that I had never seen before. Whether this is simply the function of the precepts or is especially true of those dealing with language I don’t know but it is clear that there is much work to be done.

I never considered myself a gossip or a tale bearer, which may be part of the problem, but as I have observed myself over the years I have come to see just how much petty pleasure I can derive from speaking about the faults of others. Fortunately, through long practice I have rea hed the point where I often, though not always, can feel a sense of constriction and dis-ease as the thought of gossiping arises which is usually enough to hold me back. Usually but not always. May I do better.

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Posted in Aditthana, Buddha, Buddhism, Dhamma, Sila, Theravada | Tags: gossip

Posted by: Michael | 09/15/2014

Refraining from False Speech | Abhaya-cariya

I undertake the training rule to refrain from false and harmful speech.

I used to think the precept to refrain from false speech was pretty easy; a simple cut and dry affair. How difficult could it be to simply refrain from speaking falsehoods right? Turns out, for me at least, that the deeper I go into this practice the harder it seems for me to be faithful in my adherence to the precept.

But why is that? Shouldn’t I be getting better at this whole thing as I practice longer and more ardently? In one sense, yes, I certainly should so it may speak to a lack of rightly directed effort but, in another sense, I have become aware of and sensitive to ways of speaking that I never would have considered to be false speech before. It is as if my practice has shone a light on things that were covered up by the darkness of ignorance and now, like it or not, I need to deal with them. What are jokes that take liberties with the truth? What is sarcasm? Are these examples of false speech or are they to be condoned simply because we all do them?

There are dozens of other examples that fall into this category s the best I can do is try to see them as the arise and watch where they lead when they are followed and when they are not.