I realized today that I spend a lot of time trying to manage my mood by fabricating other experiences to distract me from the existential dread that I often feel. To be sure, this dread is as impermanent as anything else, but when it is present, I look for ways to distract myself from it. There is a niggling fear that, if I allow it to come into full awareness, it t will swallow me whole. At this point in my life, I feel that I may just want to explore that. What does that look like in practice?
It looks like turning off the phone.
It looks like putting down reading material.
It looks like turning off the Dhamma talks.
It looks like sitting.
It looks a lot like zazen.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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