Cattāri Brahmavihārā

For the last twenty or so years, I had truly believed I was practicing the Dhamma: meditating daily, listening to Dhamma talks, attending classes and retreats and trying to practice the Precepts. But, as you may have noticed from the ordering of the preceding, I now suspect that my view of practice has been upside down the entire time.

Like many people I know, my introduction to Buddhism came through meditation. My first real experience with a state of calm that would propel me further into the practice was after reading Kapleau Roshi’s The Five Pillars of Zen (zen itself being the Japanese rendering of dhyana/jhana referring to states of rarified concentration). At this time I did begin to practice the precepts in earnest but the order was always inverted and when I later heard phrases such as “secluded from sensuality” I assumed that this was a temporary requirement.

As the years passed, I found myself more and more attracted to austere practices and often observed the uposatha but was nonetheless completely devoted to sensuality. In truth, I still am. Only very recently have I begun to see that, for any real progress to be made, it is necessary to directly confront my craving for sensuality not as a corollary to the practice but as the practice itself. I owe this (a la Kant) Copernican revolution to Ajahn Nyanamoli Thero and cannot recommend his teaching enough. Yes, they are difficult to hear, especially for those of us who have meticulously cunted our breaths and slowly paced up and down for decades but, if we truly wish to be liberated, we cannot afford to be complacent.

I am not yet at the point where I am able to live a life devoted to the 8 Precepts but I at least know that a handful of concentration exercises and a cursory understanding of the Dhamma does not a Buddhist make. It has been hard to realize that the Dhamma truly goes against the stream of the world and that I really cannot have my cake and eat it too.