Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I woke up feeling completely off and ruined my chances to observe the uposatha before it really even began. Feeling physically tired and mentally drained, I was not ready for the fighting and screaming I would have to endure later with the one who will not be named. But, that’s exactly what happened. Despite that, I’ve decided that I won’t give into the sickness of revenge and hatred.

I’ve been sent screenshots by text wherein they describe all of the horrible things I do and am to friends and family surely in order to lure me into an angry retort or a defense of myself. However, one thing I have become completely sure of is that it is impossible and worse than useless to try to defend oneself against slander. And let’s say I tried, how would I know I succeeded? I wouldn’t, nor would I ever be able to.

From my own side, it might make sense to assume that I have lifetimes of work ahead of myself and to regard myself as a person with noble aspirations but mediocre morality. And, finally, I am giving p again (and hopefully for good) on any hopes of reconciliation. It seems like I’m dealing with another party who’s acting in bad faith and I’m simply too tired to continue right now.