Cattāri Brahmavihārā

So I gave in this morning and decided to break my fast earlier than I would have normally. Naturally I thought this was a kindness I was doing for myself. It turns out that it was anything but.

Giving up on restraint seems to have opened the flood gates and I have been dealing with the deluge of aversion and desire ever since. What is the lesson here: it seems to me that it is nothing other than that the body and base desires are never to be trusted uncritically. I surely wasn’t starving and could have waited it out. In fact, I should have. The resultant feeling of disappointment and attendant frustration just aren’t worth it.

Now, that I’m trying to recover, I need to figure out a way to do so without turning it into an episode of self-mortification.