My wife and I have been going to counseling for a few months but yesterday’s session threw me off balance due to something the therapist said. In essence, she located part of our problem in my desire to take care of my wife and kids without making my own wants known. In other words, she believes that part of the problem is that I haven’t prioritized or expressed my feelings and I’m uneasy with this.
Putting my wants first seems to me to be a recipe for disaster so I think there may be another way to understand het advice. It seems to me that the problem may be one of communication more than anything else. My real desire it’s to be of service and cultivate the heart rather than the thoroughly mundane aims the therapist deems appropriate. In other words, I can schedule a getaway, arrange a date night or a lunch not because those things are important to me but because they are ways to connect with my wife.
Clearly, this area needs work and I’m going to be trying to tease this out in the coming weeks.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
It’s brave of you to look at your role in the situation and continue to ask how you can help. Perhaps by making your needs met you are allowing yourself to show a vulnerable side that your wife is wanting to see. She might want a chance to give to you but is unsure how to do so. May you both find your way in peace and clarity.
By: Lorien on 03/09/2017
at 3:10 am
Thanks. I think the vulnerable piece is spot on.
By: Upāsaka on 03/09/2017
at 3:56 pm