Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Yesterday there were so many opportunities to react unskillfully as a result of the unpleasantness that I continue to experience in my feelings with my wife. Although I was unable to do much more than stifle my reactivity and simply screw down my trap when the opportunity to meditate came I took it and used the time to reflect on the fact that my wife wanted happiness just as much as I do. In addition to this reflection I also liked to cultivate forgiveness for us both until I felt that I could open my heart just enough to send her metta.

Once I finished my formal meditation I had the impulse to give her a foot rub despite the fact that I knew she could very well suspect I had ulterior motives. Nonetheless, inspired by the thought that we both want to be happy and don’t want suffering I decided to go ahead and do it. Yes, I was met with suspicion and even some words of reproach because this was so our of character (the first being that it shouldn’t be) but I endured it without making much of it. And, although nothing seems to have changed with her behavior I feel so much the better for it today.