As anyone who has happened to stop by the blog of late knows, I have been experiencing some issues with my dedication and commitment to the Dhamma. I am really at a loss to explain why because I understand the urgency with which I should be practicing on an intellectual level but, perhaps due to fatigue and n abundance of familial/business obligations, I am unable to really feel it.
There is that, of course, but then there is an entirely other reason that has been suggesting itself in the last few days and which seems to make a ton of intuitive sense to me and it is simply this: I cannot now afford to practice in a way that promises results in a distant future or is based on cultivating primarily dry or so-called insight wisdom.
I have not the stomach or energy for austere Zen, breath-only or other practices which leave me feeling more tense than before I started. Surely, much of this has to do with my own misapprehension of he technique but, being that I must now be own guide (for the time being) I will leave these techniques to the side and continue experimenting with the breath and metta techniques I have learned from past teachers and, primarily, from Ven. Ajahn Achalo.
I am ure I have written on this theme before and, the loner I write the more I realize that this too is as cyclic as anything else in samsara. So, forgive me for repeating myself but such unsatisfactoriness is woven into the fabric of unenlightened perception. May you all be well!
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
I go through moments where I question the efficacy of my practice, if it is bearing results, if it is worth the time and effort. I realize sometimes that I have become caught up in linear thinking, and how the path cannot be measured in such a way. The apprehension and the doubt are steps on the path as are the confidence and the courage. I try to remember the metaphor of digging a well…if we keep picking up and digging in other places, we will never tap the life-giving waters. Dig deeper, and deeper still, and it will all be clear. Sending you wishes for peace and helpful and wise teachers to ease your way.
By: Lorien on 11/03/2014
at 2:06 am