For whatever reason, call it lifetimes of conditioning, I never cease to be surprised by the fact that the practice and doing the right thing is often times hard. I can’t explain it but there is a tacit assumption in the mind that doing the right thing should always be easy when, in fact, it rarely is.
This morning I woke up and and I came to my senses could feel that something was up. The energy of my mind and thoughts was disordered and when I mediated I was constantly struggling to brighten the mind. I was lucky enough to see what was happening and to have had the wherewithal to right against it. As difficult and tiresome as it has been, I have checked my speech and irritation with many children and have remained committed to radiating metta despite how hollow it feels.
So, yes, my practice feels like a cheap facsimile of a “real” Dhammafarer’s but what better choice is there?
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
Ahh, you are a real Dhammafarer–just the fact that you know there is Dhamma, you know you have choice, you know what you are thinking–you are, my friend, a real Dhammafarer.
By: Lorien on 10/07/2014
at 2:25 am