Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Despite having been at work all day I feel like much of my time was spent in unskillful fantasizing which has the very real potential to turn into very real akusala deeds. I immediately recognized that I was being sucked into an infatuation but the kamma was so strong that I was not able to fully put it aside until I left work. So, what to do in such situations?

First, it seems to me that averting the danger at hand simply must be done. In my case I needed a complete change of venue as I was unable to prevent myself from researching the topics while at my desk.

Secondly, forgive. This is where I find myself now: feeling guilty for having wasted so much time and losing my heedfulness almost completely.

Finally, I feel that I need to take some time to reflect on what lead me to lose my mental composure and mindfulness so completely in order to prevent myself from repeating my mistakes. Still, in many ways I feel that even entertaining certain kammically powerful thoughts (powerful for me that is) has the result of ensaring my attention. As a result I have often avoided looking too often or too deeply at them. Obviously something has to change but I’m not quite sure what.