Cattāri Brahmavihārā

One thing that has become abundantly clear to me during these days and months is just how pervasive dukkha really is. I feel that, in some ways, my entire perspective on life has irrevocably changed. For all these years I have labored under the tacit assumption that it gets better; that eventually this work will pay off but I am now realizing that there is no such guarantee and, perhaps worse, that there is no “better” in samsara. I find myself trying to imagine my next step, trying to formulate a new life and, also in the same moment, anicca, dukkha and anatta dash the fantasy to the ground.

I want to admit here, before I continue, that I am certainly not thinking clearly and these perceptions are certainly colored by a negative state of mind. Still, there is a kernel of wisdom here that I have often parroted but rarely understood. I suppose what pains me most is my children. What can I give them to help assuage the pain of the uncertainty of our lives? Only the truth of kamma that we are all, each one of us, responsible for our lives and lots can help but it is bitter medicine indeed. And, even if I am far from upekkha I can at least incline the mind there.