Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I sat this morning, in the midst of what has come to be a daily maelstrom, for what I would normally consider to be a paltry duration of ten minutes and realized a few things:

1. Despite my desire to call the short sits that I do with eyes open and hands in cosmic mudra shikantaza I am really doing a version of anapanasati. I really have no idea what goal-less sitting is nor can I get my head around the idea of there be no purpose to the practice.

2. I feel I have spiralled back almost to the beginning of the practice and am seeing things again with new eyes. Whereas technique and ritual seem to have occupied a position of prime importance previously I have become incresingly disenchanted with my approach. Perhaps it is impatience or restlessness but I am unwilling to continue to bash my head against walls in the belief that, by doing so, I will eventually profit. It may still be true that progress can be made in this way but I simply don’t have the wherewithal to do it and need the respite of a restorative practice to even be able to continue.

3. On a final and related note I am going to actually ignore the voices that push me to work so hard at the practice and purposefully go easy on myself in the hope of stoking my ardor for the practice. I have noticed that during these brief sits, peace and ease arise more easily maybe because I am not forcefully holding myself down.

For the time being I am going to experiment with using peace, calm and ease as my yardtick and pay less attention to the means and more to these states as ends. May all beings be at peace.