Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I don’t know quite what has happened but it feels as if I have hit a wall with regard to the amount of energy I can put into formal practice. I honestly think that external circumstances are just too difficult to be able to effectively cultivate a rigorous conncentraction practice despite my feeling that there should never be an excuse not to practice, especially when the going gets rough. So, what I am doing then?

Well, when I pause to consider it, it isn’t so much that I am giving up my practice but modifying it to accord with the conditions in which I find myself. Yes, I feel that it is in some ways a cop out but holding myself to a fierce regimen that actually causes more tension isn’t helpful, is it? Despite appearances to the contrary that isn’t a rhetorical question. I just don’t honestly know if it is wise to force the issue and slog through it or if I should pull back a little and aim slightly lower. Today, for example, I woke up late because my daughter had a fever of 103 degrees last night and we spent a few hours ministering to her to get her fever down. So, rather than force a half hour of formal meditation on myself I decided to do a ten minute sitting of shikantaza. I was glad for it as I felt more settled and composed afterwards and would have gladly sat another ten minutes were there time. Just pondering it has given me an intimation of how I might better approach the issue.