I have recently noticed that I am extraordinarily untrusting when it comes to spiritual teachers. I can think of only a handful of bhikkhus and bhikkhunis who I trust implicitly but often finding myself poring over this or that teacher’s credential and resume to make sure they are not frauds. On the one hand I think it is important to be careful when submitting oneself to another for instruction but, in my own case at least, I feel I can go too far.
It has taken nearly ten years for me to feel one of my main teachers here in NYC is trustworthy and a person of integrity and, during that time, I have been a real thorn in his side now and then. Basically, I have acted like a petulant jerk. I am afraid I may be going down that same road again with another teacher so I have to proceed with as much metta and mindfulness as I can muster.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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