Snapped – Happy Uposatha | Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Posted by: Michael | 10/19/2013

Snapped – Happy Uposatha

Today is Pavarana Day, the end of the Vassa or Rains Retreat for the bhikkhu and bhikkhuni Sangha so it is a special day indeed. Unfortunately for me, I feel as if I have not been up to the task of overcoming the defilements and have let anger win the day. So, after a long morning and afternoon out with the kids at soccer, ballet and then a Fall Festival at my son’s school we were waiting on the the platform for the N train back to Manhattan (don’t ask me why everything we do is in Brooklyn and yet we insist on living in Manhattan). My daughter has a little freak out about her brother stealing her water bottle which soon ends but we then hear three girls or young women either in their late teen or early twenties saying (purposefully loudly how the would slap the sh*t out of their kid if they acted in a similar way.

Now, at first I was going to let it roll off but my wife asked me just what exactly they said. I tried to pass it off by saying nonchalantly that they were just kids themselves with no idea of what child-rearing is but she continued to engage me and smile aggressively at them. The girls kept talking and at some point I snapped. I lost it. I retorted loudly something to the effect of”You know what’s rude? You know what bad manners are? You are perfect examples of bad manners and rudeness?” Although I never let an obscenity cross my lips I was aflame with anger. Both they and my defilements had won.

Thinking about it now it’s obvious they wanted something to happen and I gave it to them along with my peace of mind. The question really is what is my practice worth if it can’t deal with these kinds of assaults? Obviously, not much. If anything what it shows me is that I still have much to learn and that I need badly to reign in this mind and tame it.