It has been some time since I was last willing and able to observe the uposatha and I am finding some resistance to renunciation in the heart. I feel that I have always been pretty gung ho about renunciate practices and that I have never really had to struggle to force myself onto it. In fact, for years I enjoyed throwing myself into the uposatha and nekkhama practices. Yet, something has changed now and I can’t be certain if it is that I have become more mindful of the movements of the heart or that my former brashness and vehemence has cooled somewhat. Be that as it may I know find myself a bit fearful of the prospect of failure as the recent weeks have witnessed more than one aborted attempt at observance.
Despite my apparent griping and the very real resistance I feel I am nonetheless happy and grateful to be able to practice these precepts. What’s more I feel indebted to and inspired by all of my brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles in the Dhamma who have preserved the teachings and are themselves shining exemplars of the Dhamma. Sukhita hontu!
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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