Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I can’t explain it but everything of late has been much more exhausting than it should be. Unsurprisingly, my formal meditation has seemed like a chore despite the fact that there have been a few moments of ease sprinkled throughout each sit. I am applying what antidotes I can and attempting to arouse kusala states but am not seeing great results. Call it a period of purification or call it kamma but at times like this the best I can do is bear with it and not be overly or onsessively concerned with results.

And, that is, for me, the crux of the issue. If the practice were about completely surrendering oneself up to the moment without evaluation or judgement that would be one thing but blind equanimity as a view and practice flies in the face of samma vayamo (Right Effort). The irksome bit about all of this is the tension inherent in the process: coming back time and again to evaluate the effort I’m putting into the formal practice and in daily life and seeing little in terms of resulting peace and ease. Still, I have confidence in the path and have seen it come to fruition enough times in the past to bear with it reegardless of how long it may take.

May we strive on with compassionate ardency until we reach the goal!