So yesterday began with the best of intentions but I was unable to keep to my aditthana let alone observe the uposatha and I have been suffering for it today. Truly I have let fly another arrow of dukkha by indulging in guilt and it has found its mark despite my best efforts. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I am mindful of the workings of the mind and am maling the effort to incline towards equanimity even if my kamma is such that I cannot abide in such equipoise.
I believe that this daily practice of written reflection has helped me to see just how much aversion there is in my heart because it wasn’t so long ago that I would have denied it. The
amount of disdain and self-judgement I feel for myself is at once completely illogical and totally overwhelming but there is now no question that it is there. And, however imperfectly I may proceed, I know that the practice of the Dhamma is my only hope for a way out.
May I be forgiven for any harm I have done by body, speech or mind and may I always refine my wisdom and understanding of the path.
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
May you forgive yourself and find peace of mind in knowing that at least you are wise enough to see the things on which you must focus your practice. Be well, friend.
By: Hickersonia on 04/20/2013
at 3:41 am
All Dhamma is around “how to become your own best friend”….,don.t forget, dear Kalyana Mitta…
You are (still) not a monk so your conditions are different (Job, society duties etc…) Days are so fulfilled and structured.
The western tendency is to practise to strict, to hard..Asian countries are good teachers how to relax with the practice:) Busses never coming in time and if they are coming they are so crowded that there is no chance to get in…so you wait for another bus…that’s all 🙂
Wish you a happy and peacefull evening. Budusaranai and a Happy New Year from Sri Lanka
By: Ven. Dhammadipa on 04/20/2013
at 12:47 pm
Thank you Ayya! It’s always good to be reminded!
By: Upāsaka on 04/20/2013
at 1:16 pm