Cattāri Brahmavihārā

Despite my lukewarm efforts to prevent it from happening today I fell prey to the uposatha-boomerang effect. My poor, coddled mind just was too over-wrought by the renunciation and restraint I exercised for the space of 24 hours and today I indulged in sense pleasures from which I normally try to abstain. And, thankfully, I was able to see the results directly in tonight’s sit.

I say “thankfully” because it seems to me that seeing the causal relationship between abasing the mind and what kind of results that brings is the only way to change a behavior. Will power, even when it’s strong enough, simply doesn’t have the same staying power. I smoke for abut 14 years straight and for most of those years it was a 2-pack a day of Marlboro Reds habit. BUt, when I found out my wife was pregnant I quit the cigarettes and even the gum that was supposed to help me quit the cigarettes. The 3-months that followed were a nightmare where I was physically, emotionally and mentally assaulted by earth-shaking paroxysms of craving but being with that was the best gift I could have ever given myself. I have never wanted a cigarette again unlike so many of my friends who have quit but seem to teeter on the brink.

So, yes, tonight’s sit as compared to this morning’s was horrible but well worth the effort. May we all learn to see more clearly and renounce the easy and unskillful out of true love and in service of our highest happiness!

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