After my interview yesterday I have decided to devote a little more time during my formal practice to anapanasati. If I am to be brutally honest, I have been resistant to doing so precisely because it has been so difficult for me. Nonetheless, I feel that my detour (albeit almost three years in length) has served me well and helped me to approach the quandary and the practice in a healthier way.
What I have learned by experimenting with other themes and without much guidance is that none of these practices come easy to me. All require work and diligence and, as with any craft, a good teacher is essential. I feel that I learned a great many things in the absence of a parisa (spiritual community) but have gone as far as I can in that direction at the moment. Fortunately, I have learned to love, forgive and, above all, appreciate myself enough to do things which don’t come easy without beating myself up over it. Even better, I think I can finally start to cut my brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles in the Dhamma some slack and allow them to mean just as well as I do while being just as fallible as I am. At least I aspire to do so.
Sabbe satta sukhita hontu!
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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