Fear and anxiety have always loomed large in my psyche and continue to cause a great many troubles for me. Whether inspired by actual events at work which have the potential to jeopardize my family’s safety and financial security or simply a generalized anxiety about the myriad things that could go wrong at any time, it’s rare indeed to find a moment not tainted by fear.
If you know anything about the origin story provided for practice of metta within the Buddha’s dispensation you may wonder (I know I certainly do) how it is that a person whose main practice is metta can be so plagued by anxiety. For those of you who don’t, it is said that the Buddha first prescribed metta bhavana as a way for bhikkhus to overcome their fear of forest spirits (devas) who had become displeased with their presence. According to the teachings and, as is to be expected, the bhikkhus overcome their fears and succeed in winning over the devas through the power of the loving-kindness.
Now, it should be quite obvious that my practice is nowhere near as fruitful as bhikkhus who were direct disciples of the Lord Buddha so it’s no surprise that I don’t continuously radiate metta but I often find myself impatient with my progress. And I think it’s precisely in this impatience that there lies the seed of aversion that holds back my practice. It’s the lack of acceptance of the situation, the pushing away of the fear and anxiety that make them impossible to overcome and causes them to doggedly pursue me at every turn. Who knows but perhaps I need to simply let them in and hear what they have to say before they will finally go their own way. I mean, that is the Second Noble Truth isn’t it? Without understanding the nature of the fear and anxiety how can we ever find a way through it?
Sabbītiyo vivajjantu
sabbarogo vinassatu
mā te bhava tvan tarayo
sukhī dighā yuko bhava
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Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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