the more I think about it the more I am amazed lay people have actually become stream-enterer’s let alone arahants. I would honestly consider myself to be stricter than most of the lay Buddhists I know here in NYC in terms of my observance of sila but, unfortunately, that isn’t saying much. Despite my best efforts at restraint I constantly fall back into indulgence but, without any other nutriment for the mind, I guess that’s to be expected. In the Culadukkhakkanda Sutta the Lord Buddha speaks about sensuality with the prince Mahānāma in these terms:
“Mahānāma, by a noble disciple, with his right wisdom, it is clearly seen that sensuality has little satisfaction, much unpleasantness, much trouble and many dangers; and if he does not attain a joy and pleasantness away from sensual desires and away from demeritorious thoughts or something more appeasing than that— until then he falls for sensuality. When the noble disciple sees as it really is, with right wisdom, there is little satisfaction in sensuality, much unpleasanness, much trouble and many dangers, he attains a joy and pleasantness away from sensual desires and away from demeritorious thoughts or something more appeasing than that. Then he falls no more for sensuality.”
What is really interesting (and at times disheartening) is that the Blessed One basically states that until one can enter the jhanas and enjoy a pleasure beyond the six senses one will be pretty much fall prey to sensuality again and again. So, what’s a devoted upasaka/upasika to do? Well, ordain would certainly be a good idea but if you’ve got obligations (kids, parents, etc…) you may have to wait a bit. In the interim, my own strategy will be to continue working toward jhana and to cultivate asubha meditation where I can.
1. Subhanimitta—the cause of sensual desire. “Subha” means ‘beauty’, while “nimitta” means ‘fixing’. So “Subhanimitta” means ‘to fix a meaning of something as beautiful’. For example, if one is fixing on a beautiful body, then this refers to fixing on the form, the taste, the smell, the sound, and the touch on a body of either the same or opposite sex. To fix on the beauty of the body can be classified as follows:
A. To fix on the beauty of each organ,
B. To fix on the beauty of the body as a whole.
To fix on the beauty of each organ is to consider the beauty in details such as seeing that the complexion is fair, the face is pretty, the mouth is beautiful, the teeth are beautiful, the feet are beautiful, the fingers are beautiful, and the nails are beautiful, etc. Because of these thoughts, lustful desire or Kamachanda occurs.
To fix on the beauty of the body as a whole is to see that the whole body is shapely and the figure is beautiful. Thinking thusly, Kamachanda will arise. Therefore, Subhanimitta, which means ‘to fix on bodily beauty’, is the cause of Kamachanda or pleasure in sensual desire.
Also, to contemplate on sensual thought (Kamasankappa) arouses Kamachanda because desire is caused by such thinking. If one does not think of sex or the beauty of the object, then lustful desire will not be aroused. As the Buddha has said in the book of Mahanidesa:
“Oh! Kama, now that I know that you spring up just from thinking,
I will not think of you any more, Kama. So you will not have the chance
to occur to me again.”
(Khu. Maha. 29/45/72)
This saying confirms the fact that sensual desire arises from thoughts. So if one does not want sensual desire, one should simply quit thinking about Subhanimitta, which is the cause of Kamachanda. Hence, no fire of passion can then occur to him.
Source:
Cattāri Brahmavihārā 
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