Cattāri Brahmavihārā

For many of us who have come to the Dhamma-vinaya on our own (i.e., not having been raised as Buddhists from birth), the idea that a good part of our development requires the cultivation of relationships with virtuous and knowledgeable companions seems to run completely against our individualistic inclinations.  Upon further reflection, however, the benefits of surrounding oneself with like-minded individuals in pursuit of a common goal doesn’t seem all that strange. In fact, the Lord Buddha viewed admirable friendship as being so important that he stated that it was to be thought of as constituting not just half but the whole of the holy life.

Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, “This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie.”

“Don’t say that, Ananda. Don’t say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.

What exactly is meant by the term kalyāṇa-mitta? In the Dighajanu Sutta we find the following definition:

“And what is meant by admirable friendship? There is the case where a lay person, in whatever town or village he may dwell, spends time with householders or householders’ sons, young or old, who are advanced in virtue. He talks with them, engages them in discussions. He emulates consummate conviction in those who are consummate in conviction, consummate virtue in those who are consummate in virtue, consummate generosity in those who are consummate in generosity, and consummate discernment in those who are consummate in discernment. This is called admirable friendship.

If anyone here remembers their adolescence you may have had the experience of being told by your parents that this or that person of group of people were bad influences and that you were not to hang out with them lest you begin to emulate their behaviors. This was certainly the case for yours truly and I must admit that my parents were correct in their assessment of human behavior despite the fact that it took me a long time to actually heed their advice. But now that we’re “all grown up” and (if we) are serious about pursuing the path to liberation we have to be even more scrupulous when it comes to deciding whose company to keep.

If you gain a mature companion, a fellow traveler, right-living & wise, overcoming all dangers go with him, gratified, mindful.

If you don’t gain a mature companion, a fellow traveler, right-living & wise, wander alone like a king renouncing his kingdom,like the elephant in the Matanga wilds, his herd.

Sources:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn45/sn45.002.than.html

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an08/an08.054.than.html

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.1.03.than.html