Cattāri Brahmavihārā

I had an exceedingly hard time rousing myself today despite the fact that it is an uposatha day (which I will not, unfortunately, be able to observe due to a visit from the in-laws) and that I had decided to forgo last night’s sitting in favor of waking up extra early this morning. Suffice it to say that I got out of bed at 4:15AM rather than the 3:30AM I’d planned. It’s a work in progress.

So, a while back I made a committment to use my 108 bead mala to recite metta phrases for myself, my mother, my kalyana-mitta, a neutral person and an enemy every morning. It ususally takes about half an hour and although it has never yet brought the kind of joy and feelings of ease that seated formal meditation withiout a mala does I feel it’s a useful excercise nonetheless in that it does set the tone for the day and consciously realigns my intentions with metta. I guess the only real issue is time and a strong desire to “get somewhere”.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not one of these people who believe that we have to give up all desire to attain liberation and focus only on the present. I firmly believe that we have to have a desire to practice and reliable landmarks by which to gauge our progress. It’s just that there are times when what I get caught up in is akin to restless anxiety (uddhacca-kukkucca) which serves no purpose other than to weaken the mind.

As a goal for today I’d like to experiment with the use of the meditation word “metta” coordinating each syllable with the in-breat and out-breath. So, out-breath will be “met” and in-breath “ta”. I’ve done this before but with a wrong headed understanding that somehow I would be able to attain some level of concentration while doing so in daily (non-formal meditation) life. Today I intend to undertake the exercise in much the same way that I practice with the mala in the morning.